We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
