Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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