I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
