Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
