she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize