I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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