I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
