bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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