I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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