I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
