In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
