genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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