Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
