Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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