Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
