so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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