...so i touched it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
