I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
