your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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