sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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