I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
