Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
