y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She said her name was "party"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
