Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So much rum. So many feels.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
