all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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