I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
