There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize