apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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