I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
