I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
