awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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