i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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