He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
