i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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