she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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