running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
