Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
