then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
