i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
