it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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