No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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