well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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