as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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