I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
