He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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