How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize