When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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