He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize