watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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