Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
