Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
