i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
whose ass print is on the piano?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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