I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
