I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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