Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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