just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
