Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
