You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize