Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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