I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
